LC's Skills of Survival
P.S. This is just another bo liao post.
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In this harsh and cruel reality, where predators prey on harmless victims, where you will never know what will happen to you in the very next second. It is said that there are an uncountable number of possible futures and outcomes in whatever decision we make, in whichever path we take.
Yes, prevention is always better than cure; but what if you don't even know what are you going to prevent at the first place? Do you just sit there and do nothing, just because you can't prevent? The answer is no, for LC's Skills of Survival is here! With this set of skills, you will definitely survive!
LC Skills of Survival
1st Skill: Sengkang Metal Head Skill
A famous Chinese proverb goes, 'With the mountain still around, you'll never be afraid of running low on wood fuels', if your defense stands strong for a long time, your opponent will show his/her weakness soon enough; and that's why this is a very important skill that one must be equipped with.
Step 1: Find an insane friend.
Step 2: Ask your insane friend to lift a car barrier (barrier which blocks car from passing)
Step 3: Take a deep breath.
Step 4: On a count of 3, let your friend whack your head with the car barrier.
Step 5: Try not to pass out or cry.
Step 6: If you feel something trickling down your forehead, proceed to Step 7 and Step 8.
Step 7: Call the ambulance to stop the trickling sensation.
Step 8: Call the police to catch your insane friend.
Step 9: If you don't feel anything, it means that you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS THE BARRIER IS MADE OF MELLOWS.
2nd Skill: Godly Dragon Eat Dumplings Palm
Though defense is important, but with an attack aggressive enough, it could be your best defense as well. With this skill, you will strike fear in your enemies' hearts, instilling dread to them like nothing they've ever felt before.
Step 1: Shit in a pail.
Step 2: Put water in a pail, probably half a pail.
Step 3: Put both your palms into the water and touch the base of the pail.
Step 4: Stir vigorously, make sure everything is mixed thoroughly.
Step 5: Do not stop until your palm looks like shit.
Step 6: Find a wall that's white in color.
Step 7: Take a deep breath.
Step 8: Give a loud roar and smack your palms on the wall 9 times with each palm.
Step 9: Smell the wall, if there's something terribly wrong, it means you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS YOUR POOP IS WHITE.
3rd Skill: The Art of Underhand Through Feint Death
When all is lost, this is what you must do; Run. But what if you can't outrun your enemies? Will you still run when you know that you will get strike down eventually? You need to deceive your enemy, let them think that you're dead; and when they turn away, strike down from the back.
Step 1: Write down your last wishes on a piece of paper.
Step 2: Put the piece of paper on the ground.
Step 3: Find something really heavy.
Step 4: With both arms straightened, grab the something.
Step 5: Lift it to your chest level, with both your arms still straightened.
Step 6: Take a deep breath.
Step 7: Jerk in front as hard as you could.
Step 8: Jerk until you hear a crack sound.
Step 9: If you can see the your lower body your back straightened, it means you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS YOUR HEAD IS NOT CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY.
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In this harsh and cruel reality, where predators prey on harmless victims, where you will never know what will happen to you in the very next second. It is said that there are an uncountable number of possible futures and outcomes in whatever decision we make, in whichever path we take.
Yes, prevention is always better than cure; but what if you don't even know what are you going to prevent at the first place? Do you just sit there and do nothing, just because you can't prevent? The answer is no, for LC's Skills of Survival is here! With this set of skills, you will definitely survive!
LC Skills of Survival
1st Skill: Sengkang Metal Head Skill
A famous Chinese proverb goes, 'With the mountain still around, you'll never be afraid of running low on wood fuels', if your defense stands strong for a long time, your opponent will show his/her weakness soon enough; and that's why this is a very important skill that one must be equipped with.
Step 1: Find an insane friend.
Step 2: Ask your insane friend to lift a car barrier (barrier which blocks car from passing)
Step 3: Take a deep breath.
Step 4: On a count of 3, let your friend whack your head with the car barrier.
Step 5: Try not to pass out or cry.
Step 6: If you feel something trickling down your forehead, proceed to Step 7 and Step 8.
Step 7: Call the ambulance to stop the trickling sensation.
Step 8: Call the police to catch your insane friend.
Step 9: If you don't feel anything, it means that you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS THE BARRIER IS MADE OF MELLOWS.
2nd Skill: Godly Dragon Eat Dumplings Palm
Though defense is important, but with an attack aggressive enough, it could be your best defense as well. With this skill, you will strike fear in your enemies' hearts, instilling dread to them like nothing they've ever felt before.
Step 1: Shit in a pail.
Step 2: Put water in a pail, probably half a pail.
Step 3: Put both your palms into the water and touch the base of the pail.
Step 4: Stir vigorously, make sure everything is mixed thoroughly.
Step 5: Do not stop until your palm looks like shit.
Step 6: Find a wall that's white in color.
Step 7: Take a deep breath.
Step 8: Give a loud roar and smack your palms on the wall 9 times with each palm.
Step 9: Smell the wall, if there's something terribly wrong, it means you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS YOUR POOP IS WHITE.
3rd Skill: The Art of Underhand Through Feint Death
When all is lost, this is what you must do; Run. But what if you can't outrun your enemies? Will you still run when you know that you will get strike down eventually? You need to deceive your enemy, let them think that you're dead; and when they turn away, strike down from the back.
Step 1: Write down your last wishes on a piece of paper.
Step 2: Put the piece of paper on the ground.
Step 3: Find something really heavy.
Step 4: With both arms straightened, grab the something.
Step 5: Lift it to your chest level, with both your arms still straightened.
Step 6: Take a deep breath.
Step 7: Jerk in front as hard as you could.
Step 8: Jerk until you hear a crack sound.
Step 9: If you can see the your lower body your back straightened, it means you've succeeded!
It should look like this
DO NOT TRY THIS SKILL IN ANY SITUATION UNLESS YOUR HEAD IS NOT CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY.
posted by L C at 5:45 PM
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